Scary plot proposals for classic novels 2

Here's a follow-up article I just posted on Examiner.com:

Quirk Books recently released a companion novel to its runaway summer best-seller, “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” entitled “Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.” Meanwhile, “P&P&Z” author Steve Hockensmith is writing a “prequel” to his first book, entitled “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls,” and a movie version of the Regency era-zombie tale is said to be under production (possibly starring Natalie Portman!). With all this literary monster-mashing going on, other publishers are continuing to scramble for a new “old” novel to retool for the ultimate gothic re-imagining. Here are a few more suggestions:

“King Lear meets King Kong”
When Shakespeare’s aging hero runs into a storm to rant against his ungrateful daughters, he loses his way and winds up in a mysterious corner of his kingdom that he’s never visited before. A chance meeting with an angry, over-grown ape who resides in the primordial forest helps Lear realize he might be able to reclaim his realm afterall, if only he’s willing to join forces with the giant, simian monarch.

“Close Encounters with the Great Gatsby”
Did your high school English teacher try to convince you that the “green light at the end of the dock” is a symbol for Jay Gatsby’s dreams and hopes? Think again! In this updated version of Fitzgerald’s famous roaring twenties romance, the mysterious green light emanates from a hovering UFO, just waiting to snatch up the filthy rich characters and transport them to an awaiting mother ship for unspecified “medical exams.”

“For Whom the Bellringer Tolls”
While the Spanish Civil War rages in the distance, Hemingway’s manly hero Robert Jordan gets lost on his way to blow up a bridge for the communists guerillas, and ends up in the ruins of an ancient cathedral. There he crosses paths with the ghost of Victor Hugo’s sub-manly villain Quasimodo from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame.” Will the explosives-expert find a way to escape the mad hunchback, or has he met his final match?

“Eleven Angry Men and One Bodysnatcher”
In this alternate version of the classic courtroom drama “Twelve Angry Men,” the lone dissenting juror has more on his mind than swaying his peers to declare the defendant innocent. After meeting with his fellow jurors in a series of private meetings, he not only convinces them to change their minds; he also appears to drain them of all of their individual personalities! Can the revamped jury of pod-people decide a proper verdict, or will the heroic courtroom bailiff have to take matters into his own hands?

“Charlotte’s Web of Deceit: Aranea’s Revenge”
Wilbur thinks he’s getting along well enough with the three daughters of his beloved late friend Charlotte. But then Joy and Nellie point out to him that their sister Aranea is starting to act funny. As she spins a series of increasingly threatening words into her webs, the farmland critters start to suspect that their formerly-cute arachnid friend has turned into a dangerous mutant spider. Wilbur and the gang will need more than radiant humility to take down this creepy crawler!

“Their Eyes Were Watching Godzilla”
In this rewrite of Zora Neale Hurston’s classic novel from the Harlem Renaissance, three generations of African-American women recount their experiences with the men who abused them. A cursory, wistful glance towards the Everglade swamps reveals a possible way for the ladies to seek vengeance: a 30-foot-tall Japanese monster has accidentally flown into Florida on the winds of the Great Okeechobee hurricane! Will the relocated creature do their bidding and set things to rights? Or is Godzilla just looking for a new Shintu temple to destroy?

“Lost Once More by the Horizon”
Semi-retired British diplomat Robert Conway wants nothing more than to return to Shangri-La, the mysterious Himalayan lamasery he once chanced upon after a fateful airplane crash. He’s prepared to climb the world’s tallest mountains and brace the most treacherous winter storms to reclaim his place amongst the holy men who live there. But on his journey back to Tibet, he accidently takes refuge from a blizzard in the cave of an evil Yeti. Afterwards, he discovers he’ll need to put aside his peaceful ways and do battle with the abominable snow monster if he ever wants to return to paradise.

“Ulysses 2: The Indecipherable Cry of the Banshee”
James Joyce’s incomprehensible book about a day in the life of Dublin writer Stephen Dedalus gets even stranger in this peculiar retelling. When the callous Buck Mulligan takes Stephen down to visit the sea, the dreamy hero once again gets lost in a stream-of-consciousness memory about his recently deceased mother. But in this alternate version of the story, the cry of the Banshee interrupts his thoughts, and Stephen is transported into a ghostly underworld of legendary Celtic creatures. Don’t expect the wailing Banshees to make any more sense than Stephen does. But be prepared for an heroic interlude when Molly Bloom interrupts her famous unpunctuated monologue to do battle with the Gaelic beasts.

“Love in the Time of the Chupacabra”
Fermina and Florentino, the star-crossed lovers from “Love in the Time of Cholera,” find further obstacles to their union in this companion book to Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s masterpiece. This time, a legendary Mesoamerican monster – the bloodsucking Chupacabra – starts wrecking havoc on the Columbian countryside, and Florentino must track down the creature before it breaks into Fermina’s home and kills the woman he’s been waiting for all his life.

“Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Melees”
Robert Pirsig’s quintessential seventies novel about biking and philosophy takes on a grittier slant in this new adaptation. A renegade group of bikers from Hell’s Angels starts taunting the introspective Pirsig and his son on their 17-day journey. Upon closer examination, the two intrepid cyclists discover that the antagonizing riders aren’t just deserters from the well-known motorcycle gang. They really ARE angels from hell! Can the father-son team fight off the demons with the Zen-like ninja skills they’ve been contemplating? Or will idealistic Dad’s tendency to wax philosophical keep him from the realistic fighting task he has at hand?